chasms
by decrescence
Summary: — "sakura, are you alright?" there was a pause. a nod, a smile, but no answer. sasusaku.


**a/n: **my apologies for having been gone for so long without updating, but this year has been a lot more academically challenging than i was expecting... i really do miss writing, though, and i finally found time to work on some stories, so i hope you guys enjoy this one!

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><p>When the lithe form beside him suddenly shuddered and sprang up in the thick, heavy darkness of their bedroom, Sasuke's eyes slipped open in response, searching for the reason of Sakura's outbreak—but he found none until his ears caught hold of her ragged inhales and exhales.<p>

With his face settled upon the cool of his pillow, Sasuke lay turned away from her, silently and motionlessly, as he listened to her staggered breaths. Nightmares, he knew, weren't rare for either of them, but when he willed his bones to relax, he felt something different in the air that prevented him from tumbling back into slumber.

There was a certain tenseness that hung suspended over their heads, and with it—if he wasn't mistaken—fear. It was almost like the feeling before war and battle, the apprehension before bloodshed, death, and loss, but it made little sense, as the war had been fought and won years ago, with an era of peace to follow it under the new Hokage's reign. As far as Sasuke knew, Sakura felt safe in her home, in Konoha, though when she slowly fell back onto the mattress, the way her breathing still pitched and stunted heartbeat still resonated made him reconsider.

And the way she had chosen to lie as far from him as possible, with her hands clenched to her chest instead of intertwined with his, did little to prevent the chasm he felt etch its place between them.

Perhaps, he thought, perhaps she didn't feel so safe in Konoha…with him.

An eternity later, he drifted off to the sound of her gradually evening exhales.

Just as sleep moved in to reclaim Sasuke, Sakura jolted up in bed a second time, mangled, panicked whisper-shouts falling from her parted lips as she struggled for air. Eyes still closed, Sasuke heard her beg '_please_' and '_don't_' in a voice he only remembered her to have used once, twice. A second passed, and he thought he heard her whisper his name but he couldn't be quite sure.

But if the syllables that dropped from her mouth _had _been his name, they hadn't been uttered in a way that sounded as if she were happy to be saying them, and he realized he knew the cause of her nightmare all too well. Guilt flooded his bloodstream as he thought back to the day he had held lightning to her throat.

The bed creaked and shifted as Sakura swung her legs over its side, and she helped herself up, standing with movements unlike her usual fluid, graceful ones. She shakily made her way out of the room, the door groaning as she pushed it open, and returned moments later.

Sasuke made out the clink of glass being set on their bedside table, but before he could roll over to check that she was alright, he heard a single, muffled cry that quickly turned into wracked sobs that sent ripples into the quiet of the room. He heard her knees make with the floor, and although he knew it was best to keep quiet, his eyes widened in response.

He then heard a stifled word that confirmed all of his suspicions: his own name. It slipped between her gasps from her kneeling position on the floor, and she whispered it, repeating his name like a mantra, frightened, afraid, and even the slightest bit angry. Her sobs subsided after a while, and Sakura regained her composure enough to pull herself back into bed.

The way she had gasped his name cycled through Sasuke's memory as she curled up at the very edge of the mattress, the furthest she could get from him.

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><p>Despite the last night's events, morning came as it usually did, daybreak spilling through the small, open window of their bedroom, but the air in the house was oddly still: too still to feel normal, too still to feel at home. Sasuke sat up, fingertips stretching out against the mattress.<p>

But strangely, the bed was empty.

Since he habitually woke first, Sakura was always close beside him when sleep set him free, nestled by his side, but this morning, he was alone—and somehow, the sensation was jarring. An ache crept through his body, and he painfully blinked it away.

Swinging his legs over the side of their bed seemed a simple enough task, but today it was almost difficult, as certain heaviness in his bones worked to push gravity against him. Pressing his lips into a thin line, Sasuke took a breath and forced himself to stand, still unaccustomed to the uncomfortable quiet of the bedroom.

He stood frozen in place for several moments, half-expecting Sakura to slip into the room with a sun-bright smile alight on her face, but she did not come. Rubbing his face, he wandered into the bathroom to wash the sleep from his eyes.

Seconds later, he emerged newly-shaven and skin still damp before pacing to their shared closet to fetch his ANBU uniform. After pulling it on, Sasuke grabbed his scarlet-traced mask and slid through the gap of the barely opened bedroom door.

He ambled down the wide hallway to the kitchen, and the sudden spike in the thrum of his heartbeat surprised him. Although there was nothing concrete to block his path, his footsteps slowed until he stopped as a whole, thoughts pooling and coursing into his bloodstream.

It was a trio of painful minutes later before he could escape guilt, worry, and fear to make it into the kitchen.

Sakura's back was turned when he walked in, hands occupied with making breakfast as she stood in front of the stove, and despite everything, a small smile made its way onto Sasuke's features at the contrasting, comfortable gesture. But soon enough—much too soon—the feeling was replaced with the vexing emotions that had haunted him before.

Again, he stood, rigid and stiff and at a loss of what to do.

After a breath, he took a step forward, and for once, it felt like he was moving in the right direction instead of falling back. As if in response to sensing his movements, Sakura cast a glance over her shoulder before slowly turning to face him.

A strained, loose smile made its way across her lips, devoid of familiarity and custom, and the notion pulled sadly at Sasuke's heartstrings. He could see the concealed fear flitting behind her evergreen eyes but stepped closer with small, gradual steps toward her.

_Please,_ he wished to say,_ don't be afraid_ _of me._

The hidden fear then changed into surprise as their proximity increased, and with a few more steps, they fell back into the short distance they usually maintained. Sakura laughed shakily, gaze darting to the floor, every gesture that bled unfamiliarity carving a new cut beneath Sasuke's skin.

He did not return her laugh but dipped his head and softly, as gently as he could (because he tried sometimes, for her,) caught the corner of her lips, pressing his mouth to hers. She gasped but half-hesitatingly turned her face toward him instead of pulling back.

Warmth spread through Sasuke's veins as he drew away, catching sight of Sakura's reddening cheeks. Blushing, she fumbled back to the countertop, pushing a wrapped bento-box into his hands.

Fingers brushed as he took it from her, and when she suddenly froze, he asked: "Sakura, are you alright?"

There was a pause. A nod, a smile, but no answer.

He was out the door by the time she answered. "Are you?"

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><p>The day then faded into the afternoon, the sky overhead transitioning into a warm, orange hue, and night had long fallen by the time Sasuke returned. His steps fell slower than usual, and he found himself languidly dragging out his walk home until he was finally right in front of it.<p>

A hand settled upon the doorknob, and after a short-lived lapse of hesitation, Sasuke welcomed himself in. Knowing the hour was of ungodly lateness, he quietly slipped inside, following the main hallway of their house into the kitchen. A smile curved his lips as he noticed a homemade dinner set out on the table, untouched, waiting, and still warm, by the looks of it. A genuine, warm feeling engulfed him, and he meandered into the living room.

Curled up on the couch positioned by a large window that allowed her to have a full view of the sidewalk leading to their house's main entrance, Sakura lay on her side, asleep but still facing the night. Moonlight played onto her soft, peaceful features, casting shadows over the stars on her face, and a nuance of wistfulness pulled Sasuke to her.

He took a seat beside her, as he often did when he came home to find her on the couch, asleep from attempting to stay up to greet him. She was always, _always_ there when he returned home; she was there, waiting with open arms, the first time, and the case was similar for every instance after. She was unwavering, constant, and although he had seen her in such a light from the very beginning, his image of her perpetuity had only been amplified since then.

With a nostalgic sigh, Sasuke pulled her hand into his and laced their fingers, marveling at the coarse difference between the rough cool of his to the comfortable, radiating heat of hers. He tightened the grip of his hand around hers, and Sakura stirred, though her eyelids remained closed and face remained resting.

The corners of Sasuke's mouth lifted then, as he knew she was awake. Almost as if in reply, Sakura's eyes fluttered open, and she peered up at him with pooling green irises. She led his hand that was entwined with hers to her lips, and her next words jolted him:

"Sasuke-kun," she murmured, with a musing voice full of thought, "did you ever forgive me…for the day I was ready to kill you?"

His hold on her hand went slack for a moment, and he saw the world flash through Sakura's eyes. He glimpsed her fear, her terror, her remorse. A beat. "I have," he told her, and it was nothing but the truth. The space between their palms dwindled.

He let out a long breath before speaking again, wishing for the tightness in his throat to uncoil. "I don't deserve to ask if you've forgiven me," he said, "but I'm sorry."

The weight of Sasuke's words fell down upon them, and gradually the chasm between them began to fill with sediment and they felt themselves growing closer. Sakura smiled, and when Sasuke caught sight of the slight shine of raindrops at her eyes, he reached forward and pulled her to his chest, caging her in his arms.

He felt her small hands press to his back, and great burdens fell from his shoulders. "I have, too," he heard her say, and he buried his face in the dip of her shoulder, leaning into her. "The past isn't going to go away… It's something we're going to have to deal with, day by day, but I forgive you. I forgive you, Sasuke-kun."

They were like that for a while, and the world melted around them.

Light-years later, Sasuke could now hear the smile in Sakura's voice when she spoke his name. "Sasuke-kun?"

"Hm?"

"...You're heavy…"

An easy laugh vibrated his throat, and he leaned back, letting the angles of her body meld against his.

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><p><strong>an: **please, do review!


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